Memories..

Memories... Some people like to say that the purpose of human life on earth is to create memories. Be the memories good or bad, it is created by humans ourselves. Everybody have different memories which may in turn, be reflected on our habit, behaviour, charateristic or even personality. In short, memories from the past in a way or two will show in our daily life. Some humans are lucky enough to learn to shut out the unpleasent memories and keep only those that are pleasent to them. They are believed to live a more happy and carefree life.

Why the sudden thought on memories for my part? Recently framents of memories tends to show up in blots of flashbacks. Re-visting certain places will result in having flash backs that are supposed to be happy. Why then did some part of me start to hurt like it used to? I can't provide an explaination for this neither will I want to. I realised that trying to prob into the past might not be such a good idea for me. People around me have been telling me, "It has been years, just let it go.." Its much easier said than done. Letting go.. might be the best method, but how many of use can actually do that. Humans are born with a certain perseverance in us so that we can try and re-try things that we fail. Without that persistant, we might simply give up on any failure of the first try. How far human being has come from the age where we still run around to club down our food is a concrete proof of human perseverance.

As much good it do us, it has also made us obstinate to a certain point where sometimes some people just don't know when to give up. I can feel the shots of happiness I felt since the starting of school is starting to grow frail. Replacing it was shots of emo feelings that can seriously screw up my day. Memories of the past starts to creep up to me in the middle of the night. Sometimes having amnesia isn't such a bad thing in a case of people who had unpleasent experience. The thought of pouring out and facing up to what has happened does not seems to help in lessen the pain. Memories that bad that it has polluted the pleasent ones. I don't know how many people out there actually can think of pleasent and happy memories and actually felt that aching feeling inside. It is a feeling so painful that it makes one wonder, how can such a happy memory cause such pain? Yes it can. It is that persistant of refusing to give up the memory that also retain the memory of the person you create with. Along with it brings the heartache of the hurt and pain, especially when the person is part of the reason which you are doing what you do at the moment.

People tells me, "Come on, you are a man. Leave it when you should." Yeah right, try practicing what you preach when you had to go to the extend of voiding whatever feelings you have, be it good, bad, happy, sad.. everything.. Nevertheless, I will still had to put on the social mask because the situation calls for it. Negative emotions will tend to shun off people around you and that is not exactly what I need. So pulling myself together I believe I can still hold on. Well, till the next time, which might be a total breakdown, lifes goes on, world still spins and time still runs.

"I always knew looking back on the tears might make me laugh, But I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry."