Well well well... Looks like I'm finally starting my 1st ever blog post. I have seriously wondered why people blog. Does it go any good to have people reading YOUR diary? I mean a diary is something personal that you might want to keep to yourself. But I realised that sometimes, getting certain things off your chest might be a great idea. And blogging is a great way to really kill time.
Ok. Now. I start a blog, as I said, to get things off my chest. It's obviously not for people to judge me and more importantly not for people to criticize my english (yes I know my english is bad). So if you don't like it, don't read it. I don't mind people knowing about the stuffs about me that are written in here so I don't see the need to make this blog private, but be warned, some can be quite depressing. So, I'm quite done with my stand and disclaimer for now.
Now, to start off, I realised that for me to move on, there is something I had to face up to. It's the past that I am not confident of letting go but facing it might be the very 1st step. It goning to be a long one. So be prepared should you intend to read.
1997, a young 13 year old guy who does not have much friends to speak of stepped into his first day in his secondary school where he will find his life been changed drastically ever since. Secondary 1 passed by without much of a drama.
1998, moving on to secondary 2, the guy thought he found what is said to be love only to be defeat by the truth that things CAN be misleading when he found out about the betrayal by his so called 1st love.
Well, some people ask: "What's an angel?" So does angel really existed? The boy found the answer. An angel is the person who will come and stand by you at the point of your life whereby you are lonely and helpless. Offering you support that you can never think of. By a stroke of luck, he manages to meet one who stands by him without asking for any return. He found support through her and manage to forget about the past and move on. Through her, he learned what is call giving unconditionally and what true sacrifice is.
Alas, heaven's game is a man's suffering. Just when he prayed and hope that this can last forever, she had to leave for somewhere so far that he cannot imagine, somewhere he knows, that is out of his means of reach. What she leaves him is a promise, a promise of support that will remain no matter the time and space. The 1st time ever, the boy had a taste of long-distance relationship. Finally, the death of the year also sees the passing of a relationship that is based on real trust and giving. The boy can only say: "I cannot be sure that I'm the one you loved the most. But I'm very sure that the person who loved me the most, is you." With this, he ended what he thought to be the suffering of the girl.
The start of secondary 3, a start where the boy thinks that he may start off living a new life, a life full of friends. He got to know close friends - though not alot, but close - who will be there for him. There was this girl, who he never really took notice, who he would never think that she would forever changed his life, his personality, his belief and most importantly causing him to lose himself totally.
Secondary school passes by without anything worth mentioning. The boy got his friends with him and thinking that loneliness will never come back to him. But it’s just waiting, waiting for a chance to extract revenge, a vengeance against the boy who had forsaken loneliness for friends and companion. It has its chance when the very day the girl who he never notices in his sec school days called him up. The plan for revenge had gone into full swing. He shall be shown the vulnerability of companion, the disasters it will bring.
Polytechnic, a place whereby he will realised that his lack of social skills will bring him suffering. With the girl by his side he thought that all was enough as long as she understands him. But with a class gathering, he unknowingly step into the 1st plan loneliness has installed for him. The girl got together with a guy from his class and with that, he finally tasted his very 1st heartache. A pain so deep that he could not eat for weeks, so deep that he can only stared into the darkness of the night not able to sleep. 1st time ever tears flowed so freely from his eyes, cutting his heart deeply with every drop. Loneliness got its sweet revenge. With that, he thought it will be the very last that he will hear of girl.
No comments:
Post a Comment