Passing Thoughts....

Reasons why I'm here at this hour..

1) I just woke up... (yes... JUST woke up - meaning hard for me to go back sleep)
2) Alot of stuff has been passing through my mind recently... so too troubled (maybe?) to sleep
3) Since I can't sleep might as well blog to pour out my thoughts.
4) Since I can't sleep might as well wait till breakfast time to go eat.
5) Sunshine ger went to sleep early today.. nobody talk to me.. (yes.. a little emo)

Shall pour out the thoughts running past my mind recently... so this entry might or might not be long.... This year is definitely not a good year.. (sad.. as this is the year of the RAT.. "MY" year) the economic is going down faster then we can all imagine... might takes a few years to recover.. (learning enocomics, I should understand this cycle happens once every 13-14years..)

That's not all... people around me are falling out of relationships and even faster into depression... people are getting emo around me.. although they didn't really show on the appearance... their eyes tends to betray them... (and I'm rather good at telling who's really happy and who's not... and it's a really bad karma to rip down their mask.. so shall leave them alone) glad to say some of them manage to snap out of it but some of them are still rather stuck... which reminds me of.... MYSELF...

It has been almost 2 years since we broke off all contacts.. I won't deny that I still missed her and is still looking out for her in the crowd... denying all that will only means I'm a good liar.. anyway.. all these waves for emo do affect me but somehow I always manage to recover fast enough before I start tearing..

Ever since I started on my dance classes.. I realise I'm alot happier than before.. I smile sincerly more often and I snap out of depression easier... was it time really heals all? I don't know.. but if so.. why do I still longed for her? or was it just that I simply had got so used to the pain that I does not feel anything anymore? 10th January 1985.. a figure that always remain in my mind... Forgetting is not an easy task and never will be... as I mentioned before.. the once sweet memories can become haunting if I bother to walk a trip down memory lane.. it can be so bad that it cuts... Even the mere mention of her name (and quite alot people share the same name) sends shivers down my spine...

Dancing has smoothen my mood alot and I do admit although it sometimes brings my mood down, but it is not as bad as it used to be... maybe its the only connection I have now with her? Although she only dance salsa, but I do still feel the connection there... but learning salsa might still be too much for me.. it's like "we need the sun, but being too close to it will only kills us"

But its a fact that being happier might means that I'm moving forward bit by bit.. may not be alot.. but I'm contented... maybe I'll be ready for a new relationship faster than I expected or even without me knowing...

Anyway... an advise for those out there who are still struggling to forget.. don't put too much effort into trying to forget that one person and fail to notice many more around you.. the harder you try to forget, chances are the more clearly you remember the pain... in a logical sense... the harder to try to foget, means the harder you will FOCUS on the thing you are trying to forget in order to block it out... so... what's makes you think you can succeed this way?

Just move on and enjoy the present moments with those around you wholeheartedly... as time goes on, and you may look back one day, those once painful memories might just be a blur images of your life which you will be glad that you had never lost a moment of the present because of the past... and the light from the future is not in the shadow cast from history...

"Life is not a rehersal, We live only once. It is not by chance nor coincidence. It is predestined that we meet."